In the never-ending pursuit to pass the time in enjoyable ways, I have turned to older passtimes. Those that fell off one way or the other, as I moved on to other things. Happens to all of us, and in my case, I used to be a pretty avid viewer of anime. So, on a whim, I picked it back up, and dusted off my aging list of anime I wanted to watch.
It’s had its ups and downs.
Let me start off, however, and note that I have fairly particular tastes in Japanese animation. That is, if it has robots- especially of the giant variety- it has my attention. I’m quite shameless in my love for mecha, and, for more than a few years, let it completely define what anime I experienced. Shortsighted in the long term, admittedly, as I’ve exhausted a lot of the really good stuff by now. Not to say that I haven’t dabbled in other genres, but I’m a mecha fanboy- real robots, specifically- at heart. The genre has had a pretty bad run for the last decade or so as well, so it’s hard to find worthwhile content.
That said, I had shows to check out if I ever got back into the swing. The first was the Cybuster anime, distantly related to the tactical RPG series Super Robot Wars (SRW). SRW is one of my favorite game series- besides the fact that you can count every localized title on one hand- and so I was very curious. Even more so, I had never heard of this anime beforehand, and wondered why that was. Was it just obscure, a potential sleeper hit lost in the sea of animation? Or, was it so bad that anyone in their right mind would force themselves to forget it for their own sanity?
You can see where I’m going with this.
Calling Cybuster- or, if Wikipedia is to be believed, Demon Machine God Armor Cybuster- bad is almost a disservice. It’s so much more than that, on a level that I struggle to find the right words for. Literally painful to watch is one way to put it, as well as so cheap that I’m surprised it squeezed out TWENTY-SIX EPISODES. Which I watched in their entirety, by the way, since apparently I just love torturing myself. I regret every moment of it, honestly, and can easily say that it should be a hard pass for anyone. By which I mean avoiding it like the plague.
To give the most bare context for my own sanity, nearly everything in this anime is completely irredeemable. The characters and their designs are beyond generic, and forgettable. At the time of writing, I remember about three whole names out of the entire cast. The plot takes some elements from SRW, but wraps them in its own poorly written attempt at a narrative. Like, the protagonist’s initial drive is to become a janitor, and I’m not kidding. Dude just wants to pick up trash in his giant robot and help clean up post-super-earthquake Japan, and gets roped up in a plot involving parallel worlds, robot gods, and black holes. How and why anyone thought this was a good idea is anyone’s guess, to say nothing of the boring antagonist. For such a supposedly smart and painfully obvious villain- his name is literally Shu Zoldark- the guy’s pretty dumb. When pressed with the fact that experimenting with all those black holes would likely destroy the entire universe (two, even), he basically says, “Nah,” and keeps doing it.
Such deeply complex characters.
There are only two remotely good things about this anime. One is the Cybuster itself, an absolutely killer mecha design. It and some other peers from SRW make regular appearances, and look miles better than the show’s original mecha. Also, despite how obviously cheap the whole production was, there’s a surprising number of brutal deaths. They constantly reused animations, cut away from action, had the most stilted fights imaginable, and padded out time with far too long still shots, but somehow had the budget to incinerate someone. Poor guy and his robot turn to ash on screen, and that’s pretty metal if you ask me. It’s not even the best death, with Shu disintegrating in the final episode. Way cooler than he deserved.
Honestly, what really bothers me in the end is Shu’s backstory. He was a criminal from the parallel world of La Gias trapped in the gap between dimensions (whatever that means), and was mysteriously freed by a black hole. He uses that fact to free his comrades, and murders his way to the janitorial throne- which isn’t a total joke- and experiments with creating black holes for… reasons? Shu claims that it’s to get revenge on La Gias for trapping him, but to what end? Better yet, who or what generated the black hole that released him in the first place? We’ll never know, and I don’t care enough to find out. There’s so much wasted time and hanging plot threads, and you’re stuck with this meandering mess which couldn’t end soon enough.
My palate cleanser was also pretty bad, but I knew that going in. Hades Project Zeorymer is a strange one, and I’ll leave learning its history to readers. The four-episode OVA is bad, but for different reasons than Cybuster. Before that, though, allow me to gush about how beautiful the animation is. It’s freaking gorgeous, and let nobody tell you otherwise. We’re talking peak anime movie levels of quality, and it has aged extremely well. Zeorymer had the kind of budget the Cybuster crew would have committed ritualistic sacrifice to the gods to attain.
Too bad it’s mind-numbingly boring.
It does kinda break my heart to say this, but Zeorymer is DULL. So much so, in fact, that when I say I watched it, I meant skipping right to the fights instead of entertaining the bland characters and narrative. Those are the best parts, and sadly, they don’t usually last long. That, however, is due to how ludicrously overpowered the titular Zeorymer, Lord of the Heavens, is. Cool in its own right, regardless of how it feels like the creator wanted to one-up everyone in media. The “antagonists” (it really becomes murky by the end) are in for a real rough time when their opponent draws infinite energy from infinite parallel realities, can teleport anywhere, regenerate from even the most grievous damage, and attacks on such an incomprehensible level that it’s just… light. Light that wrecks each and every other mech in the OVA in seconds.
Seriously, if you need something to win some schoolyard argument about what fictional character would win, series protagonist Masato Akitsu and Zeorymer have you covered.
By now, you’re maybe wondering how bad it gets from here, or why I must do this to myself. Haven’t even mentioned the frank disappointment of the Code Geass movie, or my horror to discover that Muv-Luv (which I hate) got another anime. Stories for never, though the latter may warrant something to explain why I explicitly used the word “hate.” Despite the fairly consistent downs, the ups have come around. Completing the Evangelion journey was good, even if I didn’t understand a damn thing in the end. Hideki Anno’s previous work in Gunbuster is also a classic for a reason, and experiencing it for the first time was fantastic.
Then came Attack on Titan.
I don’t even need to explain what that is, given past and current popularity. I watched the first season, like everyone else, when it exploded onto the scene, but stopped watching anime by the time the others dropped. Then, come now and at the frequent behest of a friend, I picked it back up. Why not, you know? Heard it got really good, and my other alternative was finally, properly, tackling the behemoth that is Gundam.
Someday, maybe, but not now.
So, I’d heard that Attack on Titan got better, but I didn’t realize how good we were talking. Once the plot really starts rolling, it’s an incredible ride. Just keeps climbing up with no end in sight, and I am not afraid to say that I binged it. Spent a lot of time I absolutely should have been sleeping catching up, and I can’t say that I regret that. Well, superficially, since sleep time can be in short supply these days, but that’s (not) besides the point! Now, with the second half of the final season airing as of just last month, I should have enough time to muster the will to ration it out. Really savor it to the end.
Man, it had better have a really good, emotionally satisfying conclusion. That’d really suck otherwise.